You want me to do what?!

My wife had surgery recently. She’s doing fine, thanks for asking. She has, though, been temporarily left with only one usable arm. Her right arm is very limited for a time and, of course, she is right handed. It has been left to me to get a lot of stuff done around the house that she normally does. It has been an interesting experience for the most part until Saturday morning when she informed me that I would do the grocery shopping this week. That wasn’t too bad until she let me know that I would do that alone. Read that again. She wanted ME to go buy groceries by myself. I guess this is what they were talking about when the marriage vows included “for better or worse.” There were enough times that I went with her and only had to push the cart and that was bad enough. Now she expected me to go ALONE into a grocery store. There is probably a law against this somewhere.

On the appointed Saturday morning, she was kind enough to give me a list of what all I needed to buy. I grabbed it and headed for the door with the intent to get in and out as fast as possible and hope not to get lost. Rumor had it that there are men in grocery stores all across the country permanently misplaced somewhere between aisles 13 and 22.  Before I could get very far though, she stopped me and decided to go over my list in detail so that I would not have any questions. I didn’t and off I went. That was my first mistake.

Well, I got to the store ok and managed to get my cart without much hassle. Being the smart guy that I knew me to be, I decided to consult my list and make a plan of attack. You know, you’d think a grocery list would be in systematic order to match the store’s layout. After all, she has been coming here since who knows how long. She ought to know how a store is laid out and have her list in a sensible order. There was, to my dismay, no sense to the order of things. This would require multiple trips through the store to find stuff. I did have enough sense to know all the fresh fruit and vegetables would be in the same general area. That seemed easy enough until I looked at the list. First thing on the list was “salad greens.” There was a whole mess of greens on the counter but none said salad greens. I called my wife. “What’s a salad green?” I said. “That would be lettuce,” was her rejoinder. That narrowed my choice from ten different greens down to four. Why could she not just list lettuce? I dare not ask. Having fixed that problem, I headed off to find the onions. That’s all she listed. Just onions. I had to ask yellow, red, or some other color that I don’t remember right now. Oh, and there’s the ones that still have a stem and are really small. Sheesh.

It went that way for most of my trip and I am glad to tell you that I survived to get back home without missing a single item and only adding a half dozen or so from my own unwritten list. You know important stuff like beer and extra “necessaries” that will occupy the shelf in the garage until the return of the Almighty.  I hope I never have to do that again.

4 thoughts on “You want me to do what?!

  1. Scott,
    It just goes to show that you can do anything when you puit your mind to it! Besides you picked out the beer you really wnated to have and no questions. Hope your better half contiues to improve. I will be praying for you and your family.

  2. Scott,

    Glad too hear your wife is improving. Keep us posted.

    On a lighter note, I laughed reading this post. I could envision it all. Perhaps you’ll be a champion grocery shopper by the time she resumes that task. Meanwhile, you should have plenty of blog fodder.

    Have you started reading the labels of the cans yet to identify the ones with the lowest sodium? Then there is finding bread without high fructose corn syrup. Do you have those brands down yet? Ah yes, peanut butter. Got to watch out for hydrogenated oil, it’s artery clogging stuff. Do you buy imported fruits that are covered in pesticides or do you wait until they are fresh and from local growers? …. It used to be food. Now it’s research.


    • Hi, Tia. Yes, Karen is doing pretty good. has to do some radiation but I think we will be fine. Still writing but not sending anything to the voice anymore. Actually, am working on a speech. Let’s get coffee soon.

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