So, I was at my plot in the community garden last Saturday having a great time. My goal that day was to spread several inches of compost. I was just about done when the wife called. She wanted to know if I would stop by and get some hamburger buns on the way home. Well, I was kind of dirty but, yes, of course I would stop by the grocery store on the way home. “Call me when you get there,” she said. That should have been my first warning.
Now, the wife has limited use of her right arm, the temporary result of recent surgery. In my desire to be helpful to her as she recovered, I have done some grocery shopping on her behalf. Dear reader, please understand that I would rather take a beating than go grocery shopping.
I arrived at the big box grocery store and call her from its interior. “OK, if you want to”, she says, “please pick up some oranges, strawberries, bananas,” on and on. Did you ever try to push an unwieldy grocery cart (you know the one with the single wheel in front that won’t move), talk on the cell phone AND try to find stuff in a big grocery store? “Look for strawberries. They are 2 for $5.00. Oh, and there is boneless, skinless chicken breasts on sale. See if you can find those. While you are back in that end of the store, get some cereal.” It was maddening.
Of course, during all this confusion, I kept bumping into people I know. When I picked up hamburger buns (while I am getting instruction from the wife as to which hamburger buns to get) (there’s a difference?) a bread delivery guy pulls up with his rack of bread to deliver. Turns out, I used to work with this guy some ten years ago. I am trying to talk to him AND my wife at the same time. I no sooner get done talking old times with him than I bump into a couple whose kid was in Scouts with my youngest some five years ago.
The end result of all this madness was: I never found the chicken or the strawberries. I did manage to get the “right” hamburger buns and oranges (2 bags for $6!). Met an old friend named Samuel Adams and brought him home. I had survived another trip to the grocery store. I should have known it would get worse.
The next morning was Sunday morning. Church day. The wife asked me to make an early morning run to the store. A kindly neighbor had brought us a casserole for our Sunday dinner and it would need lettuce to add to it. “No problem,” I said as I grabbed my keys and headed out the door. “Oh, and I need some things.” I stopped dead in my tracks. “What things?”, I asked suspiciously. “You know, things.” This can’t be good, I think to myself. “I need a better description than that,” I replied. “Things that women use.” Oh no. She wants me to get “things” for her!! I am certain there is a law somewhere barring men from picking up or even being in the same aisle as “things.” I begged her not ask me to do that. “Well, you can stay here and get our granddaughter ready for church,” she said.
I went to the store…………….part 2 coming