Factoid Lady

I was in the mall the other day with the wife. She had seen an advertisement for a sale and asked me to go along. I don’t really know why she would need me unless it was for protection. Have you ever seen women in full shopping mode? It’s downright dangerous. That’s all I am going to say about that. Anyway…she was buying clothes on this day so I knew I would be hanging out in front of the dressing rooms.

I really wish the powers that be would put a little waiting room nearby the dressing rooms for the herds of men who are out doing what I was doing that day. Actually, a few of them do but that was not the case at the store we were at. I was compelled to wander aimlessly through the aisles. Please bear in mind that I was carrying her coat AND her purse while she was in the dressing room. The things I do for my woman.

There are some stores that like to announce stuff on the speaker for the benefit of all. You’ll hear pronouncements like “Attention, ____shoppers! Check out aisle 16 where we have cherry flavored children’s cough drops priced two for one!” You get the picture. Upscale stores like to announce factoids to entice their moneyed clientele to consider some offer or another. We were in one of those stores. I was wandering the aisles near the dressing rooms while awaiting my wife’s appearance in yet another outfit the likes of which I had to pronounce judgment on. (You know, I wish the stores would put a magazine rack or something useful around these dressing rooms. Next time you’re out, take a look at the number of men wandering aimlessly around dressing rooms. They’re the ones carrying purses and looking lost – very sad).

Just as I was standing at the edge of one of the main aisles, “factoid lady” announced the following over the intercom for all creation to know and benefit: “Good morning shoppers. Did you know that 42% of all women are wearing an ill-fitting bra?” I got off the main aisle as fast as I could in the suspicion that once that fact sank in, there would be a stampede of women towards that section of the store where they sell these things. What a dangerous thing to announce to the world, I thought to myself. Further, how in the world did they figure that one out? Is there an agency of government who is responsible for this sort of thing? I finally decided that this was knowledge that I did not need to know and resolved right there that I was going to complain to store management about announcing this kind of stuff. Think of the men who would be hurt irreparably in the knowledge that their wives, daughters, or girlfriends could very well be suffering an ill-fitting bra. Furthermore, the stampede that might result from such public knowledge would certainly be a safety hazard to other innocent shoppers.

I think I will make a fan page on the internet so this crisis can be addressed and solved quickly. It’s no wonder women can be so hard to get along with. Near half of them are “ill-fitted.”

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