I went to my bank the other day. Nichole, Alyssa, and Sheila were there as they always seemed to be. On this particular day, though, the atmosphere was different as Nichole and Alyssa were visibly shaken. It seemed odd to me considering that they and I were the only ones there. I wondered had I upset their routine by coming in on a Thursday instead of my normal Friday? Putting aside my vanity, I inquired what it might be that had left them in such a state of anxiety and stress. What followed was a tale of anguish and dismay told with all the animation and excitement that only abject fear for one’s life and limb can produce. It seems that a spider of enormous size and ferociousness had been found in the bank. It was unknown how he had gotten in though there seemed to be some suspicion that it might have been an inside job. One report had the beast the size of a small dog and another the size of a quarter. I never did get an exact description of the creature but his intention was clear to all who saw him. He had been contracted and sent by some dark, nefarious organization (the Illuminati perhaps or maybe the IRS) to inflict a dreadfully painful bite on Nichole and perhaps even hasten her demise. I was informed that her fear was such that she risked unemployment by sitting on the counter top. I was also told that Alyssa had the same fear and had also jumped onto the counter top. She didn’t want to admit to it though. Had Alyssa read her biology in school, she would not have had to fear because she would know that spiders never bite red-heads such as she is. They know better.
I asked where the brute was. Sheila said that he had been captured and thrown out of the building in a most violent and unpleasant fashion. “Who was the hero here today?” I inquired. All the time that Nichole and Alyssa had been telling their deadly tale, Sheila was in the background shaking her head and rolling her eyes. It seems that Sheila herself had wrapped this purveyor of evil and doom in a paper napkin and deposited him out in the grass in front of the building. This announcement brought several protestations from Nichole and Alyssa regarding the certainty that this monster had, in fact, been sent with the singular mission to inflict great pain and suffering upon Nichole. Alyssa would certainly had been next had it not been for Sheila’s heroic efforts.
I found it rather odd that during all the time that this crisis was occurring, there were two men in the offices on the other side of the building (it’s a real small building). They knew nothing (so they said) of any hit planned by a spider and were completely unaware of any activity in the teller’s area. I am sure they were too busy with work to realize that death stalked their office that day. One is left to wonder….
Even now as I write two days after the event, one fact remains clear: the Arachne is out there. Waiting, watching, plotting. I have it on good authority that Nichole and Alyssa have hired a couple of Praying Mantises to guard the place. They are known to be very good at eating spiders. One question begs still to be answered. Who was the inside contact that let this spider in and why was he sent?