A couple of days ago, my dear bride decided that the care of our 4-year old granddaughter would be left to me so that she could have something called a “girl’s night out.” This particular event and my expected support for it were presented to me as a fact of life that I should have known from birth. I confess here and now that, until the present, I was unaware that “girl’s night out” was as sacred an event as there ever could or would be. My wife tells me that the ritual is most likely contained in Holy Writ and I had no right to contest its requirement or procedure. I dare not ask or attempt to spy on such an affair, she further told me, the penalty being some sort of unspoken punishment in the afterlife.
I have learned a few things. The affairs are usually, but not always, at a personal residence and invariably require spending money on stuff only a woman would want or need. The particular event that my wife intended to go to involved jewelry I think and, yes, I was required in accordance with the aforementioned Holy Writ to come up with the necessary credit card(s) or cash as a token of some sort of blind loyalty. Of course, I surrendered my card (it might have been two) and cash in view of the fact that I prefer her cooking to anybody else’s and did not want to offend the ancient rites. I was, however, determined to know what took place at these usually nocturnal female festivals.
I dare not actually go to one! First, it is patently illegal and, second, there are some things that men do not need to know. I did do some research and found out enough to know that this affair is called “girls’ night out” for a very good reason. It is a concentrated, estrogen-charged, jewelry / makeup, kitchen stuff and who knows what all extravaganza meant to allow a large group of women to spend money on stuff that is intended to make their lives more fabulous, glamorous, easy, accessorized, and turn an otherwise mundane life into a feast extraordinaire of bling, eye shadow and chrome plated garlic presses (did I just write that?). I am sure there are also things done and bought at these affairs that are intended to control one’s husband or boyfriend, hence the reason why men are not allowed to attend. Given what my research has revealed, I can state with absolute confidence that I will never attend one. The fact that my wife said I can’t go to one either is an added incentive.
Now, it is left for me to pay the bill. I want a man’s night out.