I have to buy tires for my car. “Tars” as we would call them back at my childhood home. I just bought tires five years ago so I am NOT HAPPY that I have to do this again. I am most certainly not going to buy brand “F,” I said to myself. Actually, I feel like writing brand “F” and complaining about the short life span of the tires that I now have to replace. I have no doubt I would get some watered down letter from somebody in corporate communications expressing a feigned sorrow for my dilemma but not much else. So….I complained to my wife instead. I didn’t get very far there either.

I told her I should be getting much longer distance and time out of these tires than I have and I think “F” ought to own up to these lousy tires. She asked me just how long these tires are supposed to last. “Longer than 5 years” I intoned. That didn’t seem to satisfy her so off to the internet I go to find the answer, all the while asking myself (silently) why she is questioning me of all people. Does she not know that men inherently know all there is to know about tires? She apparently does not.

As it turns out, “F” doesn’t even make that model of tire anymore. I told my wife that “F” discontinued the tire. I opined that they did so in the full and complete knowledge that they had a dog on their hands and were now trying to hide the evidence. They even wiped any mention of that model from the web and anywhere else I could think to look. I smell a conspiracy. None of that satisfied my wife. I told her it was a point not worth arguing about as I would not be buying that brand again. She walked away wondering aloud why the point was brought up in the first place. Women.

My exhaustive research, coupled with the time I myself spent selling tires back in the 70’s affords me the wisdom and knowledge I would need to get the best tire at the best price. I narrowed my decision down to “C,” “C,” or “M.” I congratulated myself on my consumer prowess and now set off to get the best price (i.e. cheap) I could.

Did you know there are no less than twenty (20) stores just on my side of town that sell all three brands of tires that I am considering? I do not have the time to call all of them. As luck would have it, I found a website of one of the dealers that lets me get my price and book the appointment without being on the phone for who knows how long. I bought my tires (“C” brand) at the price I thought fair and all is well with the world. Not only am I all knowing on tires, I am now an internet shopping guru.

An antagonist (who will remain nameless) asked me if I was such a tire expert of longstanding note, how is it that I got saddled with those “F” tires in the first place? Furthermore, if I am such a “guru” on the web, how come it took me a week to find that website?

Oh….forget it.

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