America’s newest crisis

I was on vacation a good part of the week. Vacations are almost always good things. If you have not had one, I can highly recommend it. This vacation was very different for me and my bride though. It was during this time that our eyes were rudely opened to a crisis of long standing.

This problem has been with us so long and is so intertwined into our society; it will take an act of Congress or maybe even the Almighty Himself to solve it. I will reveal this world-wide problem in the next sentence so, you are forewarned. The crisis is the vast amounts of unused soap slivers piling up in our landfills. You may even have two of three in your house right now.

You know how this works, don’t you? You and your family use a bar of soap until it is a tiny sliver. It gets hard to use when it’s that small, doesn’t it? Keeps popping out of your hands onto the floor of the shower where you might slip on it and break a bone or two. In an act of complete selfishness, you throw that little sliver away and get a fresh bar. Duplicate that scenario in millions of home all across the land and what do you have? Millions upon millions of soap slivers, languishing in our landfills. They are all there only because YOU wanted to avoid a little fall.

Fortunately for you, I discovered the solution and I know you will shower me with gratitude such as has not been seen since the invention of peanut butter.

The hotel we stayed at has the very product you are looking for to ease your environmental guilt and keep you safe in the shower. It is called the “waste reducing exfoliating body cleanser.” It is something akin to soap but has an open center. It has the appearance of an oblong donut. Works just like soap too. It is specifically designed to eliminate the unused center of traditional soap. The manufacturer extols the virtue of using this product as environmentally correct behavior and further assures the user that no cruelty has been employed in its assembly nor does it contain any animal fat or byproducts of said animals. I don’t know what’s in it and they aren’t telling. Hmmm…

I used the product and it does the exact same thing as soap, so far as I can tell. At least my bride did not report any untoward odors emanating from me after its use. It does have the advantage of being very easy to grab, what with that hole in the middle. I will report that it does conduct itself in the same manner of soap when dropped. One can still slip on it and break something or other. So, now, instead of a sliver of soap slipping out of your hands, it is now an ever diminishing ring of soap.

So…I guess there will now be a tide of rings of soap in our landfills as opposed to slivers. The problem is still unsolved. Whatever will we do?

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