Harrumph!

“How is it that I can be your offspring when you and I have such radically different tastes in food?” My 24-year old son is a self-proclaimed food aficionado while I am perfectly content with a much simpler affair for my stomach to process. The discussion was the result of him bringing over tortilla chips and beer, both of which were lime flavored. I had long discounted tortilla chips flavored with anything and was not about to attempt to down one that tastes like a piece of fruit (if, indeed, lime is a fruit). I did, however, have a swallow of his lime flavored beer. The one, single taste had no effect on my senses. The aftertaste, however, was such that I was convinced that any further intake of this alleged brew would rob me of all cognitive and moral sense and awaken in me the vilest deprivations known to man. I gave the beer back to my son with the observation that this was not, in fact, beer at all but an obvious impostor. Furthermore, I said, this horrid mixture was most likely the result of a vast right wing conspiracy concocted by the lime industry and probably financed by some dark and secret organization. No doubt, sales of limes are down and this is a nefarious attempt on their part to trick the less knowledgeable of our society into buying these supposed fruits. I have no doubt that history will ultimately prove that it was the lime, and not the apple, that was the original object of desire from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil in The Garden of Eden.

My son took exception to my position regarding all things lime-flavored and even went so far as to enlist the family’s loyalty toward his attitude. The youngest of the household quickly jumped to his aid, and, purposefully and visibly, ate several lime flavored tortilla chips in my very presence (he would have taken a healthy dose of the foul beer too but he is of an inadequate age to do so. He did threaten such an action until I most enthusiastically advised against it). Even the wife held no anxiety against lime flavored anything and quickly took the side of the eldest son. I did have a possible ally in my daughter who was not present. I called her only to find that, she too, had taken the pro-lime position. I, the matriarch of the family, found myself alone in my attitude. The only ally left to me was my 4-year old granddaughter and she was having a nap.

Isn’t it amazing how a minor issue like a lime can divide a family? Harrumph.

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