Will I never learn?

                 It is a rare Saturday evening that finds the missus and me without some sort of plan for the evening. Not that we are social gadflies or anything, but we do like to have something to do on Saturday evenings. This past Saturday was the first weekend after Thanksgiving and we were “recovering” from a house full of our grown children and our five year old granddaughter. The “plan” for the evening was to stay home and watch a movie. It was a fine plan and I was very much looking forward to an evening practicing the “art of doing nothing.” No such luck.

                The missus thought that I was in need of some article or two of clothing and decided that the two of us would go shopping. This was on a Saturday night which happened to be the day after “Black Friday.” That’s the day after Thanksgiving and is reputed to be the biggest shopping day in all of the United States. I have never personally witnessed the affair known as Black Friday but I have it from reliable sources that it is a dangerous time for anyone who values life and limb. The day after, I am further informed, is just as threatening to one’s constitution and wallet. So it was in this knowledge that I raised a most strenuous objection to going shopping on a night like this. “Nonsense,” said the wife. “You’ll be fine.”

                We went to a clothing store that is in the general proximity of a large shopping mall. I was pleasantly surprised to find the people there to be minimal and actually a little on the friendly side. They should be, considering that I thought their prices to be on the high side. I voiced that opinion to my beautiful bride whereupon she announced that we would go a store in the mall where prices might be found that are more reasonable. “Surely we would not survive an excursion to the mall,” I protested in vain. “Nonsense,” said the wife. “You’ll be fine.”

                The mall is a curious place and, I must admit, a useful place to people watch. This venture was also to be found void of the masses of crazed shoppers that I expected. Sadly, I found the prices on the articles I proposed to purchase to be higher there as well. You know, one would think that I would have learned my lesson by now. I voiced the same protest over the prices that I had raised in the previous store. “Oh, ok,” the wife announced. “We’ll go to the discount store.”  I looked at her in dread. “Are you mad? It will be crazy there. I’m not going.” “Nonsense,” said the wife. “You’ll be fine.”

                As luck would have it, the trip to the discount store was uneventful. I had found what I wanted at the price I wanted to pay. I had come away from the trip without a scratch and had acquired what I had set out for.  Three different stores and I had survived. All that work and stress for a package of t-shirts.

                On the way home, the missus thought it might be a good idea, being as how we were out already, to do a little Christmas shopping for our granddaughter and suggested a local toy store. I was about to raise an argument against the idea when she looked at me intently and said, “Nonsense. “You’ll be fine.”

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