It is, once again, incumbent on me to share my own misfortunes in the hope that I can help some other poor soul in avoiding what I had to endure yesterday. One would think, by now, I would have learned my lesson but it seems not. Herein is my sad story.
The wife and I decided last night that we would do some shopping. It is a trying affair for me as I do not, as a policy of my own constitution, shop. I, however, recognized some years ago that I would be compelled to shop from time to time. Such is the duty of married men. She thought she would also do a little Christmas shopping as well. Course, she did not mention this change to our plan until we were well on our way.
Our first stop was one those “big box” stores. It was one of those stores where you catch a bus to get from the produce to the pharmacy. This particular stop was for the week’s groceries so we spent most of the time at one end of the store. Her list did contain an item or two that would require a long walk to the other end of the place. So as to save time, she suggested that I go off and get the two things that she required from the far end.
It is quite a walk to the other end of the store with the end result being I forgot what it was I had been sent there for. In time, I remembered and found what I needed. After another long walk, I arrived back at the spot where I had last seen my bride. There was, of course, no sign of her. I was left to walk up and down the aisle in search of her. (You know, I bet those store employees who watch the in-store cameras have a good laugh at the lost husbands they see on a regular basis). After what seemed to be something short of eternity, I found her and all was well.
We went from there to a clothing store where we were able to get in and out without incident. Being as how our luck seemed to be holding up, she suggested we go to another clothing store. We did, and that was our undoing. This store was in a mall. She took it upon herself to show me exactly what she wanted for Christmas and where it was to be found in this particular store. She then told me that some of her shopping was for me and we would have to split up. It was 5:45PM and we agreed to meet back at a specific place (next to a woman’s perfume counter) at 7:00PM.
I walked through the mall and got in my requisite amount of people watching (yikes!) but failed to find a store suitable for me to wander through. I wound up walking back to the original store and buying the outfit my wife wanted (it took me a minute or two to relocate it). I did all that and it was now 6:15. I found myself at the designated meeting place with forty-five minutes to go. I decided to call her cell phone and let her know I was done. No answer. I wound up spending that remaining forty-five minutes split between standing at our designated meeting spot trying to look interested in women’s perfume, and a bench out in the mall. When we were able to meet again, she lamented that she did not have enough time to finish and that she would have to come back. She was gracious enough to allow that she would do so without me in tow.
I am supremely happy for that decision on her part