“My bathroom sink is stopped up,” my bride said over dinner. “Can you fix it tonight?” Always one to give my best to my wife of thirty two plus years, I quickly said yes. That was a week ago. Now at dinner once again, she reminded me of the clogged drain that has gotten progressively worse since we last discussed it over dinner A WEEK AGO. I assured her that, as certain as God Himself made little green apples, I would unclog her drain this very night and, she would once again enjoy a properly functioning sink that she so very much deserves. Feeling very good about myself, I even went so far as to clean up the dinner dishes afterwards (there are only two of us around the house now). Cleaning up the dishes is one of the best delaying tactics around. Take it from me fellas, do a little clean up (not much mind you, just enough) after dinner, and your wife will feel so good about this wonderful guy she married that she’ll forget about any promises you may or may not have made over dinner. It works every time. Well, almost every time.
Two hours later and the wife found me relaxing in my chair perusing a magazine. It was late enough so that I was starting to think about going to bed. I was reminded of my promise to unclog the sink on this very night and was further asked if I would please do it before going to bed. I appealed that, being as how I had done the dinner dishes that I was released from my promise at least for that day. The wife took issue and assured me in no uncertain terms that my promise given at the dinner table would have no expiration date at all and could not be postponed. In deference to the fact that she feeds me, I condescended to do as she asked.
Now, every man knows that any given repair job on a house requires three trips to a hardware store. First to get the parts, the second to take the parts from the first trip back because they were the wrong ones, and a third trip to get a part to fix the part that broke putting the second set of parts on. The problem with this particular job was it was almost 9:00 at night and I was not in the mood to make those three trips at that hour. So…I resolved I would break this universal principle with no trips to the hardware store.
What I had to do was removed the “s” tube under the sink and clean it out. That accomplished nothing so I decided I would have to remove the mechanism that opens and closes the sink. I did that to discover that there was a mass of unholy goo stuck at that point. This slime came out rather easy and I thought all was well and I had prevented the making of those three trips. Right. The knob on top of the apparatus broke. No problem, I said to myself. I’ll glue it back on and re-install it in the morning. I went to bed that night in the smug knowledge that I would repair this sink with not a single trip to the hardware store.
The next morning, I installed the now repaired drain tube but now could not connect it to the drain plug itself. I took it all apart (again) only to find it had rusted away and, yes, I would have to make a trip to the hardware store. That’s only one trip so I will beat the odds.
I have not made that first trip yet. I will do so tomorrow in the full confidence that I will break the rules and get this job done successfully with only one trip to the hardware store. I’ll let you know how that goes.