Lawnmowers

                 I cannot say with any confidence that I am a fan of mowing lawns and I can say without doubt that I never will be. You see, lawnmowers do not like me. Actually, it is only two mowers that don’t like me.

                I have had a particular green one for almost twenty years. It was used when I bought it and I estimate that it is really closer to thirty years old.  That’s pretty old for anything. This lawnmower is just plain old and it’s ornery. It fights me when I start it and continues its sputtering ways until it decides it wants to go ahead and do its job. That usually takes five to ten minutes. It will make up any excuse it can to quit and force me to drag it back to the barn. This year has been no different.

                I drug the beast out of the barn a couple of days ago, much to its disappointment. It fought me tooth and nail as it managed to hang itself up on anything in the barn that it could. I finally got it out after busting my knuckles a couple of times but only after threatening to dismember it. At this point it decided to toy with me.

                To my surprise, it fired up after only ten or so pulls on the starter rope. I got about half of the lawn mowed when it tricked me into thinking that I needed a glass of water. I bit on his trick and shut the mower off while I got my water. In my absence, the mower decided that it was just not in the mood to finish what it had started (as ornery as it is, I am thinking he may be a she).  As soon as I pulled the rope to fire the thing back up, it decided it had had enough. The starter rope broke off in my hand.  Hah! Nice try, I thought to myself. I’ll just pop down to the local hardware store and buy another rope.

                I did just that too. I got back home with the mind that this was, at worst, a five minute job. You know, there is a reason why I don’t work on my own cars or lawnmowers. The process, had I been able to figure it out, was more complicated than balancing the U.S. Government’s budget. This all occurred on Tuesday and it is now Thursday. The lawn mower sits, unrepaired, in the garage, laughing at me. I have threatened to replace but it knows I am too much of a tightwad. Besides, I have a second mower.

                Mower #2 was bought on a whim by yours truly some time ago. It was during one of those times that gasoline required a mortgage to buy. I decided I would do my part to reduce our dependence on foreign oil so I bought a manual lawnmower. I used it for the first time this year today. I am getting “old green” fixed as soon as I can.

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