An answer to a recent correspondence

(It is necessary, dear friend, that you read the previous article, along with its attendant comments, in order for you to understand what follows).

                Last week, I was almost stranded for eternity on the north side of the city I live in. I and my driver were able to find our way back down south through our wits and the keen sense of direction known to exist in all males. A northern woman (who I count as a dear friend) upbraided me for not seeking her advice during my temporary travail.  She went  on to observe that she, as a woman, would have been more than qualified to rescue me from distress because women are known to have an almost supernatural sense of direction. Had I availed myself of her talents, she implied I would have saved myself no end of turmoil and strife as well as slow the departure of my hair. As I had been texting her on an unrelated matter  throughout this journey on the north side, she went on further to inquire as to why I did not seek her assistance while I had her attention.

                I am, at this juncture, honor bound as a card carrying man to make reply to my dear friend and so defend the male of the species. Herein is my retort:


                Please accept my deepest and most sincere salutations to you and your good household. You know in your heart that I hold you in the highest of esteem as a woman of honesty and integrity. If I were not otherwise informed, I would think you to be a southern woman; such is my regard for you.

                So, it is with regret of the highest magnitude that I must disagree with the idea you laid out in a recent comment submitted to me on the 4th of this month. I was saddened to read your assertion that women have a sense of direction that is superior to men. Please allow me to set the record straight. I know you would not want to continue in this deception and would further want to know your true friend would not allow you to persist in this misunderstanding of the known facts.

                While it is true that women make good navigators, I must correct you on their sense of direction.  Navigating is one thing. A sense of direction is quite another. Anybody can go anywhere with a map, but the male sense of direction is that which built this fine country of ours. There were no maps to speak of when our stalwart ancestors made the move from east to west to settle these United States. It was Lewis and Clark (I have it on good authority that they were both men) who expanded our frontier without use of maps and it was I who made my way, without map or any navigational aid, to the Southside of our fine city. I could go on but, as I know you to be a wise and understanding woman, you have, no doubt already come to understand and will gain from this wisdom.

                I remain your obedient servant.

S. Emmett


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