Landscaping time

(Previously published in the April 4th edition of the Franklin Township Informer).

               This is the time of year that some of us get the wild itch to go outside and fancy up the yard. As if cleaning up one’s yard from the ravages of winter is not enough, there are those of us that get the notion to start larger than life landscaping projects. It has been thus true with me, dear friend. Let my story be instructive.

                Some years ago, I engaged the services of a landscape designer.  After some consultation, she presented me with a very nice blueprint that would turn my little home into a veritable Garden of Eden. Her company slogan “Our Plans, Your hands” should have been a warning.

                I have taken that plan and have worked in my yard with relentless drive to transform her plans into reality. I am bound to say, I am proud of this project beyond measure. There have been times as of late that my body has rebelled against me, though, and that brings me to the latest outdoor project.

                My plan indicated to me that I was to construct two retaining walls in my backyard. These walls would solve a drainage problem and needed to be done sooner than later. As I am a notorious tightwad, I decided I would install the wall myself. You know that little guy in your head who is supposed to be watching out for you? Mine took this particular day off. Furthermore, he did not inform the rest of my body of my intentions.  

                My shoulders were the first to rebel. I had lugged all of the stone from my truck to the backyard. I estimated the weight to be roughly five million pounds. When I got that bit of pack mule work done, my shoulders went on strike. They responded well to ice and an evening of watching a movie. I went to bed with the self assurance that I would make short work of the wall the next day.

                Sometime during the night, my body got together and decided to put a stop to what they regarded as nonsense. The little guy in my head came back to work and convinced my knees to go on strike the next morning. When morning did arrive and I rose to start my day, my knees decided not to join me. Their rebellion was joined by the rest of my body and we all stayed in bed. We stayed there awhile until my stomach convinced everybody that he needed to get up and get something to eat.

                My knees punished me all the way downstairs for my insolence. They even went so far as to force me to go to the Doctor and get them some medicine.

                Two days later and my knees have come down from their high horse. I have not told them that I intend to finish the project this Saturday come what may. My shoulders know I think. They keep reminding that I am not a kid anymore. I’ll show them.

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One thought on “Landscaping time

  1. I am still laughing. This is why my husband hasn’t finished a project. He does not want to do it himself because his body just won’t hear of it, but he is too tight to pay someone else. Great story. Good luck on the project.

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