Liar’s Contest

When I was a young’un on the south side of Amarillo, Texas I could not tell the truth with a gun to my head. I was, arguably, the most accomplished liar there was in our neighborhood. I could lie myself into, or out of, pretty much anything. Now, I did realize at some point in my early adulthood that a career based on lying would get me nothing more than a cot in the county jail. So it was a life of “the gospel truth” for me. Until last Friday night

I heard tell that every year at the Indiana State Fair, they hold a Liar’s Contest and I decided that I wanted to go see this “legal lying” for myself. On the way up, I tossed a story or two around in my head but figured my “lying ways” were so stale that I would not be able to compete anymore. The wife and I got there about a half hour before they would be starting. The lady running the show asked me if I was a “competitive liar.” I asked her if I looked like one and she said yes. There was a fellow named Oliver standing nearby who added his own opinion that I did, in fact, have the appearance of an accomplished teller of tall tales. I told Oliver I was a retired prognosticator of falsehoods to which he replied that I should, for the benefit and amusement of all, resurrect my former ways. So it was that I entered the 2013 Indiana State Fair Liar’s Contest.

Space precludes me from recounting my lie in this column save to say it involved an ever lengthening water moccasin, my momma, and the toughest woman that ever lived. The event was filmed so I imagine it will come back to haunt me sooner or later. You can see the video here:

There were, as I recall, some fifteen or so liars of various levels of believability and I happened to be the last one to speak. For reasons unknown to me, the judges decided that I was the most convincing liar among the adult speakers. Much to my surprise, I won First Place and the Blue Ribbon for The Indiana State Fair Fifth Annual Liar’s Contest.

I will hold that dubious title until the 2014 Fair in which I will, Lord willing, defend my title. Maybe.