Has this ever happened to you? We went to a friend of ours for dinner this evening. It was a pleasant affair and we had a wonderful time catching up with the doings of both families. As we are both military families, there is always a lot to talk about. The rest of this story is dedicated to those of you who have dogs. Our friends have Charlie and Bailey.

Charlie is a Beagle of some years. He seemed to be pretty timid as his sole agenda was to get me or the wife to pet him. Now, I do not speak “dog” but, if I did, any conversation with Charlie would go something like this:

Charlie: “Please pet me. I promise I won’t slobber on you.”

Me: “I ‘m trying to eat. Can we do this later?”

Charlie: “They never pet me here and the never feed me either. Please, PLEASE, pet me!

Me: I said later.”

With that, Charlie slinks away with an expression of utter rejection in the hope that I will feel guilty and change my mind. He stands a few feet away with a “poor me” look.

Then there’s Bailey. He is a large gold Labrador who has one goal and one goal only: to get me to throw a very nasty slobber-covered tennis ball again and again so he can chase it down and bring back to me to repeat the process in ad infinitum. THAT conversation would be a little different:

Bailey: Throw the ball! Throw the ball. THROW THE DANG BALL!!

Me: “Ok, just this once.” (I throw the ball. Bailey, in a mad, frantic rush, runs the ball down and returns it to me. When he gets back, I am sitting down).

Bailey: (Dumps the slobber drenched ball on my lap while I am eating) “Throw the ball! Throw the ball. THROW THE DANG BALL!!

Me: “Not right now. I’m eating.”

Bailey: AAAGGH!!! In the name of all that is holy, THROW THE DAD-GUM BALL ALREADY!!!

After a time, Bailey gave up on me and dumped his slobber-ball on my wife’s lap with the same urgent request.  All the while, Charlie rotated between me and my wife with the poor pitiful look on his face that said “Please pet me. Nobody loves me.”

When we left, both dogs were last seen standing at the door, “Please pet me! Throw the dang ball, will ya!! “


2 thoughts on “Dogspeak

  1. Scott, I laughed my butt off, this is so right on for dogs. Read it in the paper when I was in Indy. Great job and great giggle. Thanks

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