Not “Back home again”

The wife and I had an opportunity last week to visit beautiful Gig Harbor, Washington. It is a wonderful little fishing village on the Kitsap Peninsula. We had a great time there and I can recommend it if you are ever in the Seattle area. I was, however, reminded that folks don’t talk the same way they do back home in Indiana or in the Texas Panhandle where I was raised.

We stopped in at a local owned restaurant for lunch that day in Gig Harbor. The waitress was very friendly and helped us navigate the menu. I do not remember what the wife ordered, probably seafood. I ordered, and I quote: ” I would like a BLT no maters.” Just like that. Having gotten both of our orders, our waitress confirmed back to me that I ordered a  BLT no mayonnaise. I responded that, no, I had ordered a BLT no maters. “Yes, that’s what I have…a  BLT no mayonnaise,” she sought to assure me that she had understood.

“No mam,” I repeated. “I want a BLT no maters.” At that, our very patient but frustrated waitress stared at me long and hard and asked, “What’s a mater?” It was then I realized I was not back home and a more pronounced English was needed. I said, “I would like a BLT no tomatoes.”

True story. I got my BLT no “maters.”